Letters To Otou san
by BleachedNinja
Summary: These letters are for you otou-san. To make it seem like you are still with me. Sometimes the pain of your absence is just too much, but when i'm with him, even with his troubled soul which yearns for the dark,things just seem so...bright. NekozawaxOC
1. Beginnings

~Letters to Otou-san~

-Beginnings-

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host club

Otou-san,

I'm not actually sure what I should be writing.

It wasn't my idea of course, to write letters.

You know me well enough to understand that.

I hope.

This was actually my care worker, Carol's idea.

Yes, that's right I got a care worker after you went otou-san.

She has short black hair, grey eyes and smiles far too much.

I don't like her, to say the least.

She told me I should write letters to you, just to express my feelings, so it's like you're still here.

To be honest, I told her I don't think it would work, but I suppose we'll have to see won't we?

But where should I start?

With mum I suppose.

Oh mum, what on earth did you do to her otou-san?

When you went, it's like mum's been replaced by an alien.

She never talks to me, and has stopped cooking me my dinner.

All she does is lock herself in her room, and tap away on her laptop 24/7.

She has started writing a serious of strangely successful tragic love stories.

All of which are far too corny and explicit for my liking.

Her once lustrous white hair is now straggly and greasy, whilst her emerald eyes have lost their sheen.

With me, I haven't really changed at all.

I cut my hair shorter, and it's started to turn white like mums.

I still have your orange eyes though, otou-san.

But I think I've put on a stone or two.

My new favourite habit is eating now, well I know I've always been fascinated with food, but I think it's upgraded to an obsession.

And now that mum doesn't cook me dinner, I have take out every night (not that I mind, though).

Your fans held a memorial for you yesterday, otou-san.

They say they miss _you_, but I'm pretty sure they're just gutted that your manga has now been discontinued.

I still haven't gotten around to reading your manga otou-san, 'Hime Assassin' is what it's called right? All the 50 published volumes still lye amongst the dust of our living room shelf, though.

I'm not still sure why I call you otou-san.

I mean, mum and I do live in London, but I always thought since you were Japanese it would make you feel more comfortable to call you otou-san, and I guess it just kind of stuck.

Aunty Viv came to visit yesterday.

Actually she comes to visit every day, just to make sure mum is eating and I haven't been too neglected.

I still hate her though, otou-san.

All our conversations just revolve around her making fun of my weight and my hair turning white.

She smokes in the house as well, otou-san! And she watches weird programmes on _our_ television during the night too.

To tell the truth, sometimes after school I just don't go home.

Sometimes I wonder around the streets all night, or sleep on a park bench.

Mum doesn't notice,

Neither does aunt Viv.

But things are changing now, otou-san.

When aunt Viv came over yesterday, it wasn't to raid our fridge or hook mum up with some random man,

It was to tell us we're moving.

To Japan.

Tonight.

Truthfully Otou-san, we're in the airport right now.

We board our plane in an hour.

I don't care about leaving school,

I didn't have any friends anyway.

And aunt Viv says I'm starting at a new private school, called Ouran High School.

So the plane journey is going to be full of revising the basics of the Japanese language.

How troublesome.

Mum hasn't said anything about the move.

Not that I'm too surprised.

But what I am surprised about is that mums stupid stories made enough for me attend a private school.

But whatever.

I've never met your parents before, otou-san.

I know they live in Japan, but when I asked mum about it she frowned and didn't respond.

I start Ouran tomorrow it seems, I haven't seen the uniform yet, but I bet it's horrid.

I mean, aren't all uniforms?

Well I should go now.

I might write another letter tomorrow, but don't count on it.

See ya, _otou-san_.


	2. Stripped of freedom

~Letters to Otou-san~

-Stripped of freedom-

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host club

Otou-san,

Japan is nostalgic.

It reminds of the times we used to come here.

When I was small, mum was happy and you were…

Alive.

But I'm not too sure anymore, let me start from the beginning whilst I'm at it, I suppose.

So I guess I did write you a second letter, otou-san, I just felt like it.

I started school today, none the less.

Once we got off the plane we got a cab to aunt Viv's little Japanese apartment ( To which I was shocked she even had one).

It was run down and smelt of smoke, which suggests mum never gave any of our wealth to a certain aunt.

It was about seven in the morning by that time, so aunt Viv shoved a bundle of yellow clothing in my direction and practically pushed me into the bathroom.

Mum said nothing, of course.

The bundle of yellow clothing turned out to be Ouran's female uniform.

Clothes never bothered me much, so I won't say I loved it or hated it.

Once I had slipped it on, I looked myself over in the bathroom mirror.

I'm still the same otou-san,

Still the same Nami Shinohara.

Still fifteen.

Still average height, average grades and orange eyes.

My hair is now completely white. I'm not sure how otou-san, considering I used to have brown hair like you.

My care worker said it was due to the shock of your…passing.

But aunt Viv says it's because of the drugs she's certain I'm taking.

I can't say I haven't experimented with stuff you wouldn't have been proud of otou-san.

But there was a period of time otou-san, when mum had stopped talking or caring, when my friends abandoned me and aunt Viv took over, that life really didn't feel worth living.

I didn't cut myself,

Or write suicide notes.

They were all far too troublesome.

I'm not really sure what I did, it was like a sort of mental space barrier that I built around myself, even though I've tried to overcome it, its foundations still remain solid.

I left the bathroom quickly and walked into kitchen where mum was making some tea.

"Goodbye mum," I said.

She didn't respond, but she stopped pouring her tea and her fists clenched.

"Sorry to bother you," I turned to walk out of the kitchen and closed the door behind me.

I could have sworn I could hear muffled cries, but I wasn't too sure.

Aunt Viv was waiting at the door.

Her straw like blonde hair in a ponytail, with her natural white hair poking out at the roots. Her lips were pouted, with a cigarette sticking out in between them.

" 'Bout time!" She complained and opened the front door.

The car ride was silent.

More metaphorically than literally, as aunt Viv had put the radio up on such a high volume I couldn't even hear myself think.

I made a mental note of the route we took so I could walk to school next time.

I had to catch my breath when we arrived.

I didn't know much about architecture otou-san, but the school was beautiful.

"Get out," Aunt Viv demanded, so I grunted and got out of her car, slamming the door behind me.

Aunt Viv didn't encourage me everything was going to be okay or even tell me where to go.

No, she just sped off down the road leaving me alone outside of the breathtaking building.

"Hey! You alright sweetheart?" A voice called out to me in Japanese.

I turned around to see a girl with long red hair, blue eyes, wearing the girl's school uniform and a face _full_ of makeup.

"I wish," I replied, in Japanese.

"You wouldn't happen to be new would ya?" She asked moving closer to me.

"It would appear," I responded

"Well I'm Conah! Nice to meet ya!" she hugged me tightly.

"H-Hello I guess." I stated, not liking the sudden interaction.

I bet you're laughing up there otou-san, at me and my awkward situations.

Conah dragged me into the school building, chattering nonstop about her life and such.

This is what I have learnt about her, otou-san:

She is fifteen as well

She is the niece of a famous photographer

She gives flirty looks to any boy we pass

She is in love with some Yankee guy called Kasanoda

She wants to be a movie director so she can shout abuse at celebrities

…She says I'm her best friend

"Excuse me miss, this is Nami-Chan! We need her class schedule," Conah told the lady at the office.

Nami-_Chan_? We've only known each over for five minutes!

The lady at the office handed Conah a sheet of paper, which she then handed to me.

"Well I gotta run sweetheart! But I'm sure you'll find your way round," She blew me a kiss and skipped along on her way to class.

What a weirdo, otou-san.

School that day was a blur.

I didn't see Conah again, but I managed to locate my way to all the lessons and the work wasn't too hard.

At break and lunch I sat by myself and ate next to a fountain which had a statue of a kid taking a piss.

At the end of the day Aunt Viv wasn't there to pick me up, as I had earlier assumed, so I wondered around the streets trying to remember my way home.

After about an hour of pointless roaming I found aunt Viv's rundown apartment and rang the doorbell.

To my surprise, it was mum who opened the door, otou-san!

But something was off.

Her eyes were red and puffy and she was sniffling and shaking.

"M-Mum? Are you alright?"

Suddenly my mum burst into tears and ran to her bedroom suddenly.

Aunt Viv walked up to me and rolled her eyes.

"Stupid, sensitive woman." She shook her head and lit a cigarette.

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"Don't shout at me child! Lord, I'll celebrate when your finally out 'a here!"

"Huh?" I was taken aback by her words.

"Well she was supposed to tell you," she jerked her thumb in the direction of mum's bedroom.

"But I might as well be the one to break the news," She blew out a puff of smoke.

"What news?" I said, panicking slightly.

Aunt Viv smirked.

Be prepared, otou-san, because you are not going to like what comes next.

…

"You're engaged."

I could feel it then, otou-san.

It was like chains had engulfed my whole body.

I was trapped.

I was stripped of freedom.

Hearing aunt Viv snicker at my reaction was like the lock that bound all these chains together.

I couldn't talk, or scream or cry.

I was stuck and scared.

"Why are you so shocked? You should know that you're only a burden to your mum and there's just a limited amount I can do. Marrying you off will take the weight off your mum's shoulders."

Aunt Viv took the cigarette out of her mouth and started to walk off.

"I _refuse_!" I shouted so loudly that the whole street could probably hear.

Aunt Viv winced at my tone, walked up to me and slapped me around the face.

"You selfish girl! If you loved your mother you would do this for her!"

I looked away from her and clutched my cheek instinctively but shed no tears. "If that's so, the why was she crying?"

Grabbing my face so I was looking at her, aunt Viv stated, "That woman doesn't know what's good for her anymore, and it's because of that stupid father of yours!"

I couldn't help but let the tears flow now.

"Shut up!" I screamed.

"The only reason we moved to this bloody country was so that I could dump you with his parents but it turns out they're already pushing daises along with your wretched daddy!"

Otou-san, how was I to know you were up there with gran and granddad?

"So it was either kicking you out or arranging your marriage. And for some reason my little sister wouldn't let me kick you out."

I wasn't sure what to think, otou-san. It was all happening too fast.

"Y-You are an evil, disgusting woman!" I spat.

She didn't slap me again, like I was expecting.

"Don't I know it, kid." She laughed before disappearing into the kitchen.

I sunk to the floor.

My chest was throbbing unbearably, otou-san. Like someone had just punched a hole into it.

I didn't know who to turn too.

I had no idea how to contact my supposedly best friend Conah and I wasn't a big believer in praying.

So I did the last thing I expected myself to do.

I went into my mum's bedroom.

She was sat at the end of her bed, her head facing the floor.

I didn't bother calling her or saying hello.

I just walked straight over to her and hugged her.

She stiffened at first, whilst I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Nami…I'm…I'm so sorry." She whispered.

It had been so long since I had heard her voice, that it shocked me, otou-san.

I didn't say anything, I just hugged her tighter.

I think we stayed like that for an hour, otou-san.

But it was mum that finally broke the silence, "Nekozawa Umehito." She stated.

I released her and looked at her questionably.

"Everyone deserves to know the name of their fiancé." With that, she got up and left her bedroom.

I'm still in mum's bedroom as I write this, otou-san.

I feel hollow and confused.

I don't want to go outside and face aunt Viv or mum even.

I yearn for your presence otou-san.

My heart is truly aching.

_I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist, or just not be aware that you do exist, or something like that._

_ I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning._

_So for now,_

_Goodbye, otou-san_


	3. Thorns Have Roses

~Letters to Otou-san~

-Thorns Have Roses -

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host club

Otou-san,

I'm going to meet him today.

My fiancé, I mean.

But I suppose I should explain from the beginning, for a start.

I woke up in the same place that I had fallen asleep, in mum's bedroom.

She wasn't there when I awoke, as expected otou-san.

But I could hear the faint sound of a shower from the bathroom so I supposed that's where she was.

I had slept with my uniform on, so I just quickly smoothed out the wrinkles from it with the palm of my hand and combed my hair with my fingers, as I was determined to leave the house without a certain aunt noticing, especially after last night's 'incident'.

I opened the bedroom door cautiously and scanned the surroundings with my orange eyes. I could see aunt Viv sprawled out on the sofa, asleep, with a cigarette balanced between her lips and an empty bottle of sake on the floor below her.

At first I was anxious to pass her in case she wasn't really asleep, but her obnoxious snores put an abrupt end to that possibility.

I had an urge to say goodbye to my mum, but for one, she was in the shower and probably wouldn't be able to hear me and I also guessed our little embrace last night was just a one-off.

I've been thinking about us a lot recently,

By that I mean you, mum and myself.

Do you remember that one time otou-san, when we were watching that film about a lady whose husband died of cancer, and mum couldn't stop crying throughout it, but I didn't understand why,

And then the next day I overheard you and mum talking about your…illness…and…

Anyway, enough of that memory otou-san.

I slipped out of the front door casually only to find Conah waiting on my doorstep.

"Hey sweetheart!" She greeted, embracing me in a lung-crushing hug.

"How do you know where I live?" I asked quietly, whilst trying to pry her off.

"Jeez, and here's me thinking you'd be happy to see me!" She laughed.

I looked at her blankly with my sleep deprived eyes.

"Whoa who died?" She asked jokingly.

"My dad." I retorted.

"Oh…my bad." She scratched the back of her head nervously and looked down towards the pavement.

I shoved past her and started walking down the road.

I could hear her footsteps growing louder as she approached me.

"How'd it happen?" She questioned putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Cancer."

"Huh, mine too." She said with a bitter tone.

My eyebrows twitched slightly but before I could portray any emotion I continued walking down the road.

"There's something else, isn't there?" She said grabbing my wrist, "I'm your best friend Nami, what good am I if ya can't tell me these things?" She almost had a serious tone now, otou-san.

"I'm engaged."

"Sadness."

"Your acting shockingly cavalier, for someone who's best friend just got engaged against her own free will."

"Wow, that's the longest sentence I've ever heard you say!" She chuckled.

I grunted and continued walking down the road.

"You think you're so unlucky, don't ya?" I heard Conah call to me.

I stopped, but I didn't face her.

"Both my parents are dead by the way. Not that you care, and I am engaged as well, 'against my own free will', as you so dramatically put it. God, you're the first friend I've ever had Nami, so why'd you have to be so difficult?!"

My chest stung a bit at that remark, otou-san.

"Sorry Conah, but I'm not the kind of girl most people want to be friends with."

I heard Conah snicker.

"Well I guess I'm not 'most people'," she stated running up to me and linking my arm with hers.

I frowned at the contact, but decided to leave it be.

Well, there you have it, otou-san, my first friend at Ouran.

"So who's the guy?" Conah asked, as we had finally reached the school gates.

"Nekozawa something…" I replied, racking my brain for his first name.

"Rings a few bells…but you should go to the host club and ask them about him."

"The host club?" I questioned.

"Yeah, they're like…teen escorts!" She smiled, proud of her definition.

Frankly, that startled me, otou-san.

"So how would they know him?"

"There's one guy from the Ootori family who's pretty knowledgeable about people and stuff, so it's worth a shot."

I wasn't even going to bother to ask about the 'Ootori' family, but I suppose if these teen escorts really knew that much, I should give it a go.

"So when should I go?"

"Well I'll find ya at lunch time and take ya there, so see you later, sweetheart!" Conah winked at me and ran off to her class.

I suppose I should fast forward to lunch time otou-san, considering lessons were pretty in-active.

So as I stumble out of maths class, I see Conah leaning against the corridor wall with her eyebrows furrowed and her arms crossed.

I walked up to her and nodded in acknowledgement.

Instead of her nodding back, as I had hoped, her eyed widened and she practically pounced on me, squealing like a maniac.

"I've been thinking…" she started, as soon as she released me.

"That can't be good." I finished, brushing off the invisible germs on my uniform.

"Hush! Like I was saying, I've been thinking that if you and your fiancé don't get on well, then that's…bad!"

"Ah, you don't say." I sighed.

"But with me and my darling it was like…love at first sight!"

She placed her hands over her heart and sighed dreamily.

I just stared at the wall behind her, totally oblivious to her current dreamy state of mind.

"Anyway, sweetheart, follow me!"

She grabbed my arm and dragged me along to wherever the host club supposedly resided.

I was expecting the worst.

I was expecting a greasy haired,

Clammy handed,

Acne ridden,

Heavy breathing, excuse for a man.

But you know what they say, otou-san,

A pessimist is never disappointed.

Conah stopped walking when we reached a room labelled, 'Music Room #3'.

"This is it!" she said, throwing her arms up into the air.

I ignored her and opened the beautifully sculpted doors with a sense of caution.

They were apparently teen escorts after all, otou-san.

As the door opened, a flurry of rose petals gracefully floated towards Conah and me with their own feeling of serenity.

"Welcome princesses!" a group of boys called out in unison.

Once the now irritating petals had passed I could clearly see who stood before us.

In the middle, was a French looking boy with blonde hair and an aura that screamed out arrogance and stupidity.

Behind him were a pair of orange haired twins, a tall dark haired guy who had a tiny blonde haired boy on his shoulders, a small brown haired boy who looked far too much like a girl for my liking and lastly another dark haired boy with glasses who was holding a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other.

"Oh, it seems we have a new princess visiting us, today," the stupid looking blonde one stated to the others.

He walked over to me and cupped my cheek with his hand, "And might your name be, my delicate rose?" He questioned, his face inching dangerously close to my own.

I didn't like people touching me at the best of times, otou-san, and this time was no different.

I frowned and slapped him over the cheek, probably harder than I was aiming for.

To say the other hosts were shocked would be an understatement otou-san.

I could hear Conah rush over to us immediately, and she started gushing out apologies like there was no tomorrow.

"I don't like to be touched. Sorry." I stated.

"See, she's a good girl, aint'cha Nami?" Conah said, her eyes flittering frantically.

I shrugged.

"I'm sorry to have offended you princess," the blonde boy said, bowing slightly.

The girly looking boy walked over to me, smiling politely.

"If you don't mind me asking princess, you don't really seem like the kind of person to come to the host club, is there a particular reason you came here?"

"Yes, actually, which one of you is Ooter?"

The two orange haired boys coughed frantically, trying to hide their laughter.

"It's Ootori, Nami!" Conah corrected, whispering.

I didn't correct myself; I stayed silent, waiting for someone to speak up.

"That would be me." The dark haired boy with glasses spoke, not looking up from his clipboard.

"She wants to know where her fiancé is, she hasn't met him yet, but he goes to Ouran" Conah spoke, before I could say anything else.

The little blonde boy jumped off the dark haired boys shoulders and ran towards me.

"Mi-chan! Mi-chan! Who's your fiancé?" he said, with an undeniable sense of cuteness.

Ignoring the whole 'Mi-chan' thing I spoke, "Nekozawa…er," I still couldn't remember his first name.

"Nekozawa Umehito, I assume," the Ootori boy spoke.

"Yeah, that's it," I replied.

Everyone in the host club froze, apart from the two dark haired boys.

Conah and I exchanged confused glances.

Suddenly a brunette maid with two pigtails and a bald guy wearing a suit ascended from a very gothic looking door opposite the currently frozen host club.

They approached me and bowed politely.

"Shinohara-sama, I am Kuretake," the maid spoke

"And I am Kadomatsu," the bald guy said.

"And we are here to inform you of your meeting with Nekozawa-sama after today's lessons,"

"We will collect you after school; your aunt has been informed."

I stared at them, "I'm guessing I have no choice in the matter?"

Kuretake and Kadomatsu exchanged wary glances.

I could feel Conah slam her hand into my back with so much force I almost fell to the ground.

"Ha, she's kiddin'! Good ol' Nami, such a joker! Don't worry she'll be there!" Conah blurted out, her voice slightly lined with anxiety.

They both bowed again and returned back through the gothic door.

Me, still in shock from the certain physical abuse bestowed by a so called best friend, just stood there in awe, otou-san.

"I can't believe you almost blew that!" Conah scolded, dragging me out of music room #3, waving and smiling politely at the now recovered host club as she did so.

"I can't believe you hit me in the back!" I shouted, with what I hoped to be an agony-ridden tone.

"I probably won't see ya for the rest of the day, Nami, so please promise me you won't mess this up!" Conah pleaded, as we walked down the corridor.

"None of this affects you," I pointed out.

Conah rolled her eyes and held me tight by the shoulders, "Look, Nami, you don't seem to understand that you have to spend the rest of your life with this man! Forget about divorce, all that stuff just gets too messy. I can't tell you to be anything more than yourself, but don't make this anymore difficult than it already is, trust me, I know."

I closed my eyes and frowned, "Fine, whatever."

The bell for next period rang throughout the halls of Ouran.

Conah hugged me tightly, before rushing off to her next class.

I'm scribbling this all down during free period, otou-san, even though I should really be studying.

When the bell rings for the end of the day, I'll be one step closer to meeting the man I'll be seeing everyday for the rest of my life.

I'm not happy about it, of course.

I'll say goodbye now otou-san, and hopefully tomorrow I'll write to you and tell you all about him.

But quickly before I go, I've been thinking about some of those sayings you used to repeat over and over again, I'll always remember my this one though,

'_You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses'_

Bye, Otou-san


End file.
